


Yeah, but I Thought About It

by tmisos



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depressing, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, References to Drugs, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-09 22:19:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6925606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tmisos/pseuds/tmisos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It had been only two months after J.J. said those awful seven words- that one, tragic sentence. "She never made it off the table." He didn't know how many times he'd played that scene in his head. All he knew was that it was way too many." (first fic ever--also posted on ff.net by tmisos with the same title) Trigger Warnings in notes</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yeah, but I Thought About It

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!! I'm new here and just happened to write a fic for Criminal Minds that I felt I should upload.
> 
> This contains spoilers for seasons 6 and 7 and everything around Emily Prentiss without Prentiss being in the fic ironically, so if you haven't seen seasons 6 and 7 I would advise against reading this as angst and sadness follows these notes.
> 
> I got the idea for this when I was watching "Proof" (s7, ep2), specifically the scene where J.J. and Reid fight about Prentiss and how he "came to her house crying for 10 weeks"
> 
> I was pretty disappointed when I searched ff.net and AO3 and found nothing pertaining to this particular scene so I decided to write my own. Now, if anyone is feeling the same way I was, they have a story to read.
> 
> Potential Triggers: Mentions of drug use/ previous drug use, loved one dying or major character death, and just mentions of depression in this really depressing and angsty fanfic.
> 
> pure platonic angsty shizz between J.J. and Reid.
> 
> I don't own Criminal Minds and if I did I would totally be doing something cooler with the characters than just fanfiction.
> 
> Now onto the story!

Dr. Spencer Reid sat on the couch of his dimly-lit apartment. _‘How could she just...leave?’_ he thought miserably.

It had been only two months after J.J. said those awful seven words - that one, tragic, sentence.

  
“She never made it off the table.” He didn’t know how many times he’d played that scene in his head. All he knew was that it was way too many.

  
Whenever he was alone, undistracted, it came. The urge for the drug he had been clean from for years now: Dilaudid. He scratched at the inner crook of his elbow; something he had picked up on since he’d been clean whenever he was craving it. Reid wished that he had the drug - to feel the chill of the liquid flowing through his veins.

  
He needed a distraction - something, anything - to stop it but nothing in his apartment was doing any good so far. The young man hid his eyes behind his light brown hair and thought about where he could go. He could call Morgan; he was like a brother to the sophisticated but young profiler. He scratched that thought, afraid that Morgan would think less of him. Hotch had a family so he decided against that and Rossi, he had never been close to. He was more of a colleague than a friend.

  
Finally, of course, Emily Prentiss: his beloved friend and co-worker no longer. He shared a love of Doctor Who among other things with her but she was clearly not an option to begin with since she was the cause of this.

  
All that was left was J.J., the closest friend he had ever had in his life. Reid looked at the old clock hanging on the wall adjacent to him that read 8:02 PM and decided to call her, hoping it wasn’t too late. It rang a total of five times before she picked up.

  
“Spence?” she said, sounding concerned.

  
“Yeah, hi Jayje, it's me.” he said meekly.

  
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” she asked worriedly.

  
He responded quietly “Oh, yeah. I-I’m fine. No, yeah, I’m fine. Um, w-would you mind if I, um, came over for a bit?”

  
He could hear the sympathy in her voice and he hated it. “Of course, Spence.” She sighed lightly, “I’ll put on some coffee.”

  
Spencer sighed in relief. “Thank you, J.J.” he said gratefully. He was getting a distraction and he was eternally grateful. “Any time,” she stated honestly. “I’ll leave the front door unlocked.”

  
“Thanks,” and with that he hung up his phone, grabbed a jacket and headed out.

* * *

 

Reid entered J.J.’s home quietly and cautiously, knowing Henry was already asleep. He walked in and shut the door behind him, carefully kicking his shoes off.  
“Jayje?” he called out in a whisper.

  
“In here.” She called, peeking her head through the wooden doorway, then proceeding to make a motion with her hand, signaling him to come forward.  
"Hi, Spence." J.J. said. Those simple words caused tears to cascade down his face. He had held it in for the past two months and once the walls broke, there was no way of rebuilding them any time soon. So, he let himself cry in front of someone for the first time.

  
His knees gave out in less than two minutes after he started crying and J.J., struggling to keep them both up, eventually lowered them both to the floor, leaning her own back against the doorframe and letting Reid out of the hug and placing his head on her shoulder. Her husband Will came down the stairs and into the kitchen to come to the realization that the bang he heard was his wife lowering an extremely distraught Reid to the floor but as soon as his eyes met J.J.’s he knew this was too personal a moment for him to be there.

  
After he was gone, they sat in silence. Neither knew how long nor did they care. The only sound that remained was Spencer’s quiet crying. J.J. cradled Reid in his arms like she did when Henry was upset, whispering soothing words into the hair she was gently flattening down and rubbing circles on his back.  
After a while, once his sobs had died down to only uneven breathing and short hitches in his breathing, he spoke, “She just...she just left.” He stated blankly with tears still running down his face. They both knew exactly who he was talking about.

  
J.J. whispered any comforting thing she could think of. It did little help, she knew, but she still tried.  
“I remember she was - she was right there one second and the next thing I know - we all know - she’s,” he sighed. “...she’s gone. She’s dead and she’s never coming back.”

  
As he talked, his voice got quieter and quieter until it was barely audible even to J.J. She had to lean in and rest her cheek on his hair to make out what he was saying properly.

* * *

They laid like that for a while, neither of them knowing how long they sat. All J.J. knew was that her butt was starting to hurt from sitting on the hard floor. Soon, J.J. noticed Reids’ peaceful manner and the fact that Reids’ breathing had evened out.

  
He was asleep.

  
She smiled at the rare moment of Reid sleeping peacefully because of the fact that she was one of the very few people who knew how often the young genius was plagued with nightmares. He looked so pure and young and all she wanted to do in that moment was ensure he would never be harmed physically or mentally ever again. The blonde looked at him sleeping peacefully, disappointed that the only thing that let her know that he hadn’t fallen asleep in that peaceful manner were the tear tracks that made curvy pathways down his too-thin face.

  
After appreciating how calm he looked for a few moments, she decided she would try to get him to their living room couch.  
“Spence,” she shook him ever-so-gently. He groaned something incoherently, indicating that he disliked being awoken and J.J. laughed lightly.  
“Hey, do you just want to stay the night?” she shook him lightly, realizing he was falling back asleep on her shoulder. “We can set you up on the couch?” He mumbled something that resembled a _‘yes’_ and she took it as so.

  
He slowly sat up and groaned when he realized how much his back hurt after being on the hard floor for who-knows how long.  
J.J. stood up behind him and said “Alright, I’ll go get some blankets and a pillow from my room and bring them down, okay?  
“Oh, alright, and, um, J.J.?”

  
“Yeah?” the woman asked curiously.

  
“Thank you, for - for everything.” Reid said as he made the quick decision to hug her once more. “No problem, Spence.” She responded, trying to keep the guilt out of her voice.

  
_‘He’s thanking me for being kind and helpful and assuming I’m telling the truth while I’m lying to him and - no, this is for the protection of Prentiss and the team. It’s not my decision to make.’_

  
She wished she could tell him. She wished he didn’t have to go through this--- that any of them did but she had no choice and she hated it. She hated seeing that pained look that her team members held in their eyes and not being able to tell them all the truth.

  
The two friends held the hug they shared for quite some time but eventually regretfully let go. By the time the entire ordeal was settled it was almost midnight and they were both clearly exhausted.

  
J.J. decided that they no longer needed coffee; they needed rest so she would either dump the coffee she made or reheat it tomorrow. She left Spencer to sit on the couch while she went upstairs, grabbed one of her pillows, and managed to find a big enough spare blanket for him.

  
She went downstairs, hugged Reid and walked halfway up the stairs before she said quietly, yet clearly “We can talk more in the morning if you’re up to it.”  
Reid responded in a voice that was even quieter than hers “Yeah, sure, sure. See ya-see you in the morning, J.J.”

  
“G’ night, Spence.” And with that J.J. walked up the stairs to her room, wondering if the team will ever be the same again.

**Author's Note:**

> So, that's that!!
> 
> This is my first time writing fanfiction so I hope I did okay. I'm only 14 as well.
> 
> You can find this story on Fanfiction.net by the url @tmisos with the same title.
> 
> Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated! byee


End file.
